ATTENTION CITIZENS: There is an urgent need to populate Mars so that we will have a backup plan in place when Earth goes *poof.* If YOU feel that you’re a qualified citizen who possesses patriotism, morality, and believes in family values, please disregard the rest of this post and all future posts and head on down to your local NASA headquarters. We’ll see you there! God bless America.
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Now that we’ve gotten rid of those idiots, I’d like to welcome the rest of you to a weekly, Sunday feature–”People Who Should be Sent to Mars.” Every week, I’ll highlight a certain personality type in America and recommend that we pack them on a rocket and send them to Mars–maybe they’ll get something done there.
First personality type:
People who smoke cigarettes in front of you and claim that it’s “their life and their decisions,” while having complete disregard for harmful effects of secondhand smoke. You know these people! They’ll start smoking right in front of you while you both walk down the street. Of course, they’re not really smoking, they’re just holding their cigarette on their hip and letting you breathe in the smoke. Or they decide that it’s a good time to smoke when you’re stuck in a long line of traffic, letting the smoke travel through the air, right into your car.
And don’t even think about confronting them about it! It’s their life and their decision–they have every right to smoke! And every right to kill you!
I hope that on Mars they won’t be able to blow out the smoke and instead have to breathe in every last particle.
See you next week!
